#How difficult it is to have difficult conversations

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

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How often do you wish a situation away when an uncomfortable conversation appears inevitable?

It's like telling your boss that you feel micromanaged by him, which is really negatively affecting your performance or maybe telling your partner that you fallen out of love with him and that you wish to move on or that you feel suffocated by the constant presence of being, you know, maybe some very efficient in the house really eats up your valuable time and your family time. Because the only way out is through this is what Robert Frost said wisely in the business of Life there is no escaping interactions that stretch you unless you choose the life of hermit, which is impossible.

So, avoiding these situations only leads to your energy being blocked creating ground for even more complex and difficult conversations in the future. So just as an unwillingness to engage in difficult conversations is harmful for those really want growth in their families teams or organizations willingness to engage in these good difficult conversations actually becomes not just enjoyable, but also it creates value for everyone within the circumference of the conversation.

So, many of our repressed issues arise out of our inability to express ourselves effectively to people who really matter without may be rocking the boat. So, either we blow it all up in the heat of anger or we eat things locked within our hearts till they really fester inside and manifest in our bodies as diseases. If we handle them correctly, they do have the potential of opening new doors and Engineering, you know, new realizations and even deepening our existing relationship.

But most of all when you confront such situations with courage, it gives you fresh insights into your own power and abilities. It builds up her emotional and intellectual muscle and infuses you with new confidence because the art of life and the art of conversations are both related.  Your success in life depends on a great deal on your ability to have these conversations with people around you as they crop up in all spheres of life come up in your personal as well as professional life at various levels of hierarchy and power.

This is because difficult conversations are a very normal part of life. In fact, they're given to us so that we may learn and grow in the direction that we really need to.

There are some important truths about difficult conversation that I want to talk about today. The mostly about breaking bad's difficult conversations are mostly about breaking bad news or bringing to someone's notice his maybe flaws and mistakes and it's never easy because people always bring up their defenses.

They usually have meltdowns, or the counter accuse when they are faced with a situation like this. So difficult conversation involves facing the heat from the opposite party and still been open non defending accepting and in a negotiating space.  So needless to say it, requires a high level of maturity from the ones who are engaging in it.

The second thing is it, you know, let us also a factor in the possibility that our Judgment of a person maybe our own perception and when trying to cut through the chaos we might end.

Discovering our own shortcomings Seen Through The Eyes of the other one more thing here is that it is so important to create an environment of trust a space of appreciation respect and understanding while trying to have a difficult conversation so that both the parties can relax and end up finding a mutually agreeable solution and last but not the least half of the conversation is done by your wives and by your energy, so if you approach the situation for the Heart full of love instead of Of anger and judgment you'll have a greater Edge when engaging with the situation but there are a few fundamentals which I feel all of us should take into consideration when we deal with difficult conversation.

First is no matter how skilled you become there are certain challenges that we cannot change during the course of these conversations. We will still run into situations where untangling what happened wondering what happened is more complicated than we initially suspect.

We will each have this information. The other person is unaware of and raising each other's awareness is too early not easy. We will still face emotionally charged situations that feel threatening because you know, because they put important aspects at our I dint of our identity at risk. So what what we can change is the way we respond to each of these challenges by understanding the Errors By getting to know them and by getting to what they have up there wreck we can begin to craft better approach.

Is on how to deal with it a few things that really come in handy when you deal with them our first is when you listen to an open mind, which also means being open to listening to the other story without agreeing or disagreeing to it being able to speak and listen from place of poise is so important when dealing with these conversations.

It's it's about listening and not just to what is being said, but both unsaid the emotions behind the words the Hours of the holds the needs of the person that is, you know, unable to they need that the person is not able to State you and the vulnerability of the person, you know that the person is not able to express all these are important and all these matters so much in understanding what the person is trying to say second when you're genuinely willing to park aside your thoughts while listening to different views of the other that quality helps a lot in defusing the whole situation.

So do you realize that holding two opposing thoughts is a possibility for you. Yes, you can do that. You don't have to agree with the other person's opinion or maybe convince him or her about yours, but both differing opinions can co-exist at the same time. But first you have to listen from a space of curiosity from the space of it is possible to hold the two conflicting opinions. One more thing here is blame does not help. It's a universal fact that

Nobody likes being accused or held responsible for something gone wrong. So when you express your own anger avoid framing sentences, like, you know, you do not care to inform me or you're okay to do that instead. Maybe you can say that I would have felt happy.

If I had been informed that that changes the whole conversation and more thing here is that when you offer what you have understood in your own words that really goes a long way this Has a few significant advantages in any conversation and more so especially in difficult conversation. So first of all it let the other person know that you are listening really really listening. Secondly, it gives an opportunity to the other person.

I'll clarify your understanding really say when you when you really tell back to people in that. I understand that you feel misunderstood. Then you had all the intention of returning returning maybe the money or return the favor. It's just that you are going to wrap a rough patch in life. Just mentioning. This was a long way in them understanding that you have understood the point and respecting each other's feelings.

Is another thing to be taken care of you because when When you're confronting charged emotions, that's an inherent that's going to be an inherent part of the difficult conversations. So it's important to acknowledge your own feelings as well as those of the other when you're dealing with this kind of thing. So whether it is your professional space or your personal relationship, it's so important to call out the feelings or the behavior and plane because once this happens to large extent they melt away and but otherwise if you live leave them unsaid they are water love.

The lead to frustration and gets into Far more unhealthy so acknowledging and calling your feelings authentically always helps. The next thing is really being aware of your own self. You know, the Joseph Campbell. I love what he says here. Is that the cave you fear to enter or the treasure that you are seeking? This is huge.

So most of us grapple with all the identity related questions with ourselves, you know, and I competed I am I worthy of love I am a really good person and many of these so difficult Position really triggers either one or more of these concerns in a within a person so think about it.

So internally if your identity dialogue is in full swing, you know, maybe I'm mediocre. Maybe I'm good enough. How can I be the kind of person who causes others pain or you maybe have my mother was right? No one ever would love me in future in all these cases difficult conversation seemed to point towards these internal insecurities that will make you over react.

And why you cannot do much about the other person's insecurities you could do well to know your owns so that you do not get needlessly triggered during a conversation. Remember guys. Nobody wants a spoiler relationship and each of us is simply trying to communicate what the other person could have done to save the relationship.

But since we are rarely present to what other people are trying to say, we distort the whole reality and get filled with anger on hearing our own shortcomings. So letting go of the outcome really really helps here. The purpose of a difficult conversation is to understand others and get your point across.

It's as simple as that. It's not about getting a favorable outcome from the exercise. So the other person that you're having a conversation with is in no way obligated to understand you therefore be satisfied and content that you were able to communicate your opinion or feeling for a particular situation. The other person may take his own time to understand them.

Weakness on that matter. So overall this heart this art of Act of handling difficult conversations, if they need practice, it needs practice. It needs a lot of self-belief from your part and it needs Readiness to make some mistakes because you're going to make some the more we saw a nourishes ability the more you read then if it's all of them.

So while these conversations they challenge us and push us they give us huge opportunities to fix what is problematic to discover more. Or strengthen ourselves and maybe somewhere to live the values of dignity respect authenticity and to increase your influence in the world to clear the air around you and above all this most important is to live more fulfilling lives.

Hey, it's me. Again. Again. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the marketing show and podcast, please share this with three friends right now. And if you post this on social media, please make sure you use hashtag the man can't show because we are always giving away free prices to our tribe. And please do me a favor tell someone about this episode.

I believe it's upon each of us to spread positivity and empowerment amongst those around us. I want you to know that I'm really

Thankful to have you here into the mic on show Community and I wish you Joy and abundance in all you do, bye-bye.

Consistency

February 25th, 2020      #The Malkan Show