#The Freedom of Having Limits

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to the Malkan Show podcast. I am Meghana Malkan, thank you so much for joining me today for this episode of the podcast.

I know your time is valuable and I am really happy that you are listening to me today. I have begun this podcast because after being coached by the world’s best, I wanted to share with you guys what success habits, success tools, and cues have helped me get onto higher levels of performance at work, have great relationships with my spouse and kids and what really helped me stay focused and motivated all the time.

So, guys let’s dive into the next episode. How are boundaries working in your life? Do you feel that the boundaries between work and family have completely blurred?

If yes, then I believe technology is the major reason for this. These days there doesn’t seem to be any boundary at all regarding when people expect us to be available to work and of course post this lockdown where we are trying to have everything online they have been blurred even further.

At the beck and call, people expect us to answer their call or emails. Sometimes do you wonder that there is really no difference left anymore between weekends and weekdays?

But what most don’t realize is that the problem is not just that the boundaries have been blurred it’s that the boundaries of work have etched insidiously into our family territory.

You know to give an analogy, boundaries are like little walls of a sandcastle. The second we let one fall over the rest of them come completely crashing down.

This is what happens with boundaries. Of course, this fact cannot be denied that setting boundaries can be hard. Just because it works for some people doesn’t mean it always does and doesn’t mean that it’ll work for you too. And truth still remains that boundaries do come at a high price.

But above all, our ability to choose what’s most essential to us in our lives remains the cornerstone of deciding everything.

Just think about it, respect in the workplace or time for god, or time for family. What’s more important to you because your priorities about what’s essential will deliberately and strategically choose to decide how your lifestyle is going to be.

After all, if you don’t set boundaries, there won’t be any in the first place or even worse there will be boundaries but they’ll be set by default by another person instead designed by you.

Some people always think of boundaries as constraints or limits. They feel that boundaries are things that get in the way of their hyper-productive life.

And that’s why setting them is evidence of weakness. If they are strong enough they think they don’t need the boundaries at all, they can cope with it all by themselves. But without limits, they eventually become spread so thin that getting anything close to being done becomes virtually impossible. But disciplined people on the other hand see boundaries as empowering.

They recognize that these limits protect their time from being hijacked and they often free them from the burden of having to say no to things that are in other objectives instead of their own.

They know that clear boundaries and limits will allow them to proactively eliminate the demands from other people. Especially those demands that are distracting them from their true purpose.

So in a way, if you have to define the difference between a disciplined and non-disciplined person, I would say a non-disciplined person would see boundaries as something limiting them and constraining them whereas the disciplined lot would know that if you have limited you will become limitless.

So they see boundaries as liberating and set rules in advance that will eliminate the need for the direct no. of course the challenge of setting boundaries goes far beyond the workplace and we all know that.

Because in our personal lives too there are some people who seem to know no boundaries when they made demands on our time. And time guys is the most precious commodity.

How often it is that you felt you are weak and something hijacked by someone else’s agenda.

You had thought to have a relaxing spa or have a great time out with the kids and suddenly someone comes and hijacks your time away. Is there someone in your personal life who doesn’t seem to sense when that person is crossing the line?

Think about that because we all have some people in our lives who tend to be higher maintenance for us than others.  These are the people who make their problem our problem. They distract us from our purpose.

They care only about their own agendas and if we let them they would prevent us from making our highest level of contribution by aligning our time and energy to activities that are important to them rather than those that are important to us.

Now of course at this point, I am not trying to say that we should never help people. We should so, we should love and make a difference in the lives of others that’s all true but when people make their problem our problem.

What we are doing is we are not helping them, we are enabling them. Once we take their problem for them, all we are doing is taking away their ability to solve it. And especially in the working world people try to use our sprinklers to water their own grass all the time.

And in the working space, this is often too common. It may come in the form of a boss or a colleague who is suddenly asking for a report on a presentation that person hasn’t taken the time to perfect herself, or the colleague who stops you suddenly and talk your ear out when you have an important meeting or an important phone call to attend.

So, whoever it is who is trying to rob you off, sniff you off your time and energies for their own purpose, the only solution is to put up your limits, your fences.

And not in the moment the request is made, you need to put your fences well in advance clearly demarcating what’s off-limits so you can head them off, all the time wasters, boundary pushers at the pass itself.

Remember this guy, forcing these people to solve their own problems is equally beneficial not only for you but for them too.

I remember, back in time when I had a bunch of friends and I remembered the feeling then. I used to feel as if my limits and my time has been set by those guys.

Where I used to have these long phone calls burdening me with their problems and their Knick knacks about what’s going on in their life.

But the thing is guys when we have clear boundaries we are free to select from the whole area or the whole range of options that we have deliberately chosen to explore and that’s real freedom in terms of time.

So generally, when you ask people to identify their boundaries they rarely do that. Of course, they know that they have some but they cannot pull them out into words.

The simple reality is if you cannot articulate these to yourself and to others it may be unrealistic to expect other people to respect them or even figure them out. So just do this exercise, think of one person who frequently pulls you off your most essential path.

Make a list of your deal-breakers which means the types of requests or activities from that person that you simply refuse to say yes to unless they somehow overlap with your own priorities or agenda. How does that sound?

Another quick test, for finding your deal breakers is to write down anytime you feel violated or put upon by someone’s request.

Just note it down it doesn’t have to be some extreme way for you to notice it. Even a small pinch, just describe anything that would upset your boundaries and can make you feel a tinge of resentment. Whether it could be an unwanted invitation to a wedding or unsolicited opportunity or maybe even a small request for a favor.

It’s the clue for discovering your own hidden limits. These are just the little ways you can set your own and you can come up with fun ideas with your partner.

You can have an accountability partner for boundaries setting, that would be even more fun.

Do whatever feels best to you and whatever suits your purpose but the thing is with practice your ability to enforce your limits will become easier and easier and once you do that instance upon instance, week upon week you will realize the difference that it makes in your focus towards achieving your vision and achieving your goal.

Go ahead guys, try it out! I wish you all the best!

Dec 05, 2020   #The Malkan Show